Anshee-Rose

WARNING: MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD Trigger Warnings: negative talk, depression One year ago to the day, I hit the final "publish" button for what had become the largest and most ambitious project I had ever undertaken. Something that started as a simple, laughable thought exercice became my only ever brush with success and an experience that transformed my life over the course of its duration. Yet, after all these years, and after building an entire community centred around my novel, I would bluntly call this endeavour a failure. Let's have a critical look back, look at the flaws and strong points of the novel, and allow me to explain this probably unexpected vision I have of it. ​A brief history I started writing this – at least the first version – in 2012. I was 22, a student in engineering, and had exactly zero experience with writing novels, but plenty of experience with reading. I was well aware that reading alone does not make one a good writer, which is why I originally did

* * Six months after the decoration ceremony, Ruby, Topa, and Agnes returned to the lake that Agnes's family owned. It was a cold night of early spring, and the two pokemon slept huddled together in a single tent by the water, under the warm protection of their fluffy coats. A small eevee with yellow fur slept on top of the ninetales, nursed by the slow movements of the latter's chest. Agnes stood outside, held upright by the two crutches on which she leaned. The icy water of the pristine lake bit her naked feed with the support of a gentle breeze, and although she wore only a shirt and jeans, she did not shiver or cover herself with her arms. A look of sorrow on her face, she looked up at the snow-covered mountain far in the distance through a break in the heavy mist that covered the lakeside. A rustle to her left caught her attention. She peeked at it and sighed, then turned around and took a few laborious steps towards a bush by the edge of the forest. "I knew you would be

"Come on, Agnes," Belish said. "A little more." It was Saturday, September 22nd, shortly before noon. After our victory against the mediums and the successful end to Project Medium, we were awarded two weeks of absolute rest – which, naturally, Agnes did not capitalise on. Although she mostly stayed in bed with Rakuen taking care of her, she insisted to continue physical therapy and requested to increase the frequency of sessions. While she was not being tortured by her therapist, she idled on her computer with me laying on her or by her side and followed the material that Derek sent to her from the police academy, and when she wasn't catching up on classes, she spent her time comforting Topa. I welcomed the rest after the hectic two months, and my worry for the ninetales grew every day she refused to eat. It took about a week for her to begin recovering. At the end of our short vacation, we were taken to the commissioner's office, curtains drawn and door shut, and Agnes sat at the

Belish's eyes widened. His gaze jumped around, scanning Agnes as if in a quest for something, then returned to the gengar. The ghost pokemon hopped from the bed and took a step forward, causing the colonel to jolt and ready his weapon. "Don't move," Belish barked. The gengar stared at him with empty eyes, then leaned forward and inspected Agnes. "Can you?" he whispered. "Yes… Yes, I suppose you can understand me. You feel like him, but… somewhat different." "I am not like him!" Agnes roared. "What did he say?" "He said I was like the Founder." "The Founder?" the gengar tilted his head to the side with a confused frown. "Is that what you call my friend?" He remained silent, staring at my human as if expecting a reply. Facing her silence, he let out a tired sigh and stood straight again. "Why are you here?" he said. "You captured the scientists, I heard the battle. You put an end to the project. Why come here and disturb me?" "You are under arrest," Agnes growled. "For the

Following the wounded man's vague directions proved to be somewhat of a challenge, but we progressed uncontested through the serpentine corridors that smelled of chlorine and bleach, the echoing hammering of our steps battling the distant shouts and screams reverberating to us. The underground laboratory was eerily similar to the one we had found in the forest, but the light emanating from my wisp and Topa's two enveloped us in an anxious cover. With every step that we took, I pictured another line of phantump ambushing us with their leaves and mowing everyone down before Topa or I could react, or another group of haunter using Lick to paralyse us, then Shadow Claw to gut us, leaving us dying on the floor. The wisp that preceded us probably did more harm than good: being ahead, it undoubtedly announced our presence – not that there was any surprise left as the assault had been going on for what felt like hours already. My heart seemed to be the only one in a fit; the regular, albeit

The commissioner set the date of the raid to the following Monday in the early afternoon, when it was likely that most of the scientists working in the laboratory would be there. When Agnes walked out of the interrogation room, her brow obscured part of her eyes, and the weight of her frowning mouth kept her head pointing to the floor. She whispered an order to Topa and me and we followed her home, wordlessly questioning each other on the meaning of her silence; but she never broke out of it and laid motionless on her bed once relieved of the burden of her walker. Rakuen couldn't get any words out of her except the request she be left alone. Although she didn't turn down my forced cuddles, she didn't say anything to me as I laid on her chest and she absently scratched the back of my head. She remained inconsolable all weekend, and only regained a resemblance of focus when Doctor Belish himself paid her an impromptu visit on Sunday night and gathered Topa, Agnes, and me to our human's

* * Agnes wiped the tears from her cheeks. She sat on a soft chair in the commissioner's office. Ears perked and waiting for more, I sat on her walker, directly in front of her, Topa beneath me keeping it in place with her tails. The white walls of the large room we were in showered us in an uncomfortably bright light reflected from the numerous powerful neons spread across the ceiling. Isolated in the back wall to Agnes's left, a lone window covered by crimson curtains occluded the orange hues of the setting sun. A brown leather chair waited under it, tucked under the centre of a long desk. The desk's striped wood shone brightly under the assault of artificial light, burdened only by two joined monitors and a desktop to the left of the chair, and took a downward right angle to join the floor, hiding the wall behind it and the legs of its owner. The two side walls too were hidden, but by large metallic cabinets similar to the ones I had seen in the commissioner's office at

* * I am a medium. Or rather, a few years from now, I was a medium. I went to my doctor last week. My memory slips had been getting worse, but as I keep myself intellectually active as much as I can, I was not surprised that my brain is sometimes overloaded to the point of forgetting things and I went with no fear in my heart. In retrospect, I should have been sooner, when I started forgetting appointments. Not that it would have made a difference. I should have known something was wrong when my doctor listened to my family and personal histories with an increasingly sombre frown. I should have asked questions when she sent me to get imagery done of my brain. I should have pressed for information when she referred me to a neurologist with scans I did not understand. Maybe I could have prepared myself. At first, I thought it was a sick prank because of my work. The old joke of mediums all being people with undiagnosed issues and hearing voices that are not real. I almost got

It didn't take long for Doctor Belish to join us. He exited his small car first, followed by Ilma; and Sergeant Anish and Sean were next, accompanied with their pokemon and the commissioner's talonflame. They were both armed with the same SMGs they had during the forest raid, but none of them wore any armour. The two officers pulled two enormous cases out of the car as Doctor Belish approached Agnes and the commissioner, then planted himself before his superior with a formal salute. Ilma sat to his right, slightly behind him, lowering her head in deference, and Cinder flew towards his trainer, landing on his raised arm. "This is the team I've gathered," Doctor Belish said. "They're the best I could get on such short notice." "Did you choose them yourself or did they volunteer for the mission?" "I chose them. I had to pull them out of classes for it, so we will need to find excuses for their absences." The commissioner shrugged. "I'll sign an executive order for a classified

"Project Medium," Agnes mumbled. It was Thursday. Agnes laid on her bed in her night gown, her bedsheet pulled up to her hips and covering her slightly bent legs that precariously supported the laptop she held on herself with her right hand, while her left hand travelled along Topa's beautiful mane. Lost in a place somewhere in her mind, the ninetales was huddled up on her trainer's side, head on her chest, her eyes down and riveted on something nobody but her could see. I had opted to sit by Agnes's side without cuddling – Topa needed the comfort, not me, and not from me. My human's eyes were hidden under a grimace of extreme focus as she stared at her laptop, occasionally swiping upwards on its touchpad with the hand that pushed it on her. She let out a heavy sigh and glanced at me. "I can't find anything on a Project Medium," she whispered as if to complain to me. "The only vaguely interesting thing I found is that mediums are people who can speak with the dead. The old